I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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