Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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