I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
