I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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