sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
