what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
