btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Randomize
