Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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