i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize