I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
