this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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