Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
