she looked like the before picture.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
