I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
