my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
