hotel room ftw
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
