I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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