Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
