grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
