It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
