I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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