You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize