Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
