Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
