The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
