I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
try to milk me bitch
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
