What did we do last night that was yellow?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
