What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
