Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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