what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
