How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize