You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
