Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize