Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Randomize
