You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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