Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
