look no pants
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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