I just pynch a tree in the face
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
we're so committed to being not committed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
