I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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