my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
