he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
