overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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