Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
