Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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