the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
