once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
