hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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