I wannas sexs uuuuu
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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