I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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