I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
