And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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