Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
