So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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