who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
