Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
