If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
