yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
