This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That accounts for only three of the penises
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
