stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
