i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
