So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
