Your dad touched me again.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
