we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
