Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
