i just had sex bonerless
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
