the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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