a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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