my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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