I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
