i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
